Lesbians and Hot Rocks

Since it’s illegal for me to get married, I’ve always wondered if I shouldn’t just marry a nice lesbian, preferably one that is also a massage therapist. I’m fairly lesbian friendly. I want to go to Lilith Fair, I like Subarus and big dogs. I even have a huge crush on Portia de Rossi.

I had a fantastic massage therapist until a couple of months ago. She was everything that I wanted in a massage therapist/potential wife. She was…shall we say…appropriately sized for deep tissue massage. She was also friendly and chatty and it appeared we had a shared sense of humor. She was really everything I wanted.

However, she’s apparently quit or has been fired. I almost wonder if it wasn’t fired. I learned way more about her than a client ever should. I knew her partner’s name, I learned that both she and her mother were recovering alcoholics. I also learned that pretty much all of the male massage therapists working there are gay. This isn’t particularly surprising, but I wondered how they’d feel about her telling me who in the building was “family”.

While I was sad to see her go, the past few times have certainly been quieter and more relaxing. But now when I schedule, I’m in unfamiliar territory. I’ve had one girl who I’m certain was being a little flirty (anything for tips, I guess), another who was hearing impaired (which gave the receptionist quite a fit trying to decide how to tactfully warn me) and another who had gotten her “nails did” and appeared to be taking out the fact that I was her last appointment of the day out of my back.

See my posts on my (homo-phobia…here and here) about why I haven’t ever seen one of the guys. My fear of disrobing and getting massaged by one of the gays is really more immersion therapy that I can handle.

And yes, I know it sounds elitist to talk about my massages. I go because I have constant shoulder pain and it helps. I’ve tried physical therapy and exercises, but they didn’t help. My doctor says it’s all stress. The only stress I have is at work. Extrapolate from there.

I did the hot stone massage today. It was my first attempt at being rubbed with rocks. Turns out, they keep them in this little crock pot looking thing in water to keep them warm. It was as fantastic as you might imagine. Unfortunately, I didn’t schedule well and did it at 12:30, which meant I
had to come right back to work.