Reconnect

I sat down to write because I needed to. I’ve had a thing bouncing around my head for days and I just need to take a second and work it out. So, here goes:

I think it was a fortune cookie that initially set me off. The nice bartender at the PF Chang gave me an extra to take home with my leftovers. So, while my beef with broccoli was doing its thing in the microwave, I took the opportunity to live like the adult I am and ate the cookie first.

The fortune said something about how I was going to reconnect with a person I’d lost touch with. I honestly don’t remember the exact wording. I read it, thought, “Huh, ok,” then being far more interested in the delightful, vaguely vanilla crunch of the cookie, threw away the fortune.

I went on to engage with various pieces of technology, I am traveling for work after all, while having my lunch, not giving another thought to the fortune. A bit later I was pretty mindlessly packing everything up to move on to my next appointment and it kind of hit me. Reconnect with someone? Huh. Who? Am I supposed to reconnect with someone?

Now, I’m certainly not prone to giving most fortune cookies any credence. But, this just seemed to stick. I usually have a pretty cluttered mind that’s buzzing with Kesha songs, anxieties, and picking apart every way I’ve entered into the world today looking a hot damned mess. But this wouldn’t leave. Reconnect.

I don’t usually disconnect from people. Thanks to social media, even my friends that have moved away still feel close. And the people I’ve grown really close to, I’ve kept around. The people I really liked in middle and high school? Still see ‘em all the time. True college friends? I interact with them on social media a few times a week. Hell, I even still talk to ex boyfriends.

There’s only one person I’ve ever completely unplugged from, only one person who was so toxic and terrible that I made a decision to remove him completely. A person I truly have no fond memories of, no warm and fuzzies, no “but that one time was really great” moments. My dad.

And you guys, he was pretty awful. I won’t turn this into some laundry list of indictments into how and why he was awful. But, I will say that I’ve never regretted the decision to never speak to him again. I’ve gone so far as to warn family and friends to never to give him my contact info, even when they've been the bearer of messages from him asking for it.

I do not feel my life has been anything but enhanced for having made this decision. I’ve been free to live my life without the tumult that speaking to him would certainly involve. I feel nothing but happy with this decision, and only wish I’d done so earlier in my life. (I was 20 when I stopped speaking to him. I’m 35 now).

At this point, he’s in his 70s. I don’t really want to know anything about him, but my mom and sister occasionally hear a thing and pass a tidbit of info on to me. He’s apparently not in great health. He lived hard for a time, so that’s not necessarily surprising.

I don’t have guilt. When I think of him, I don’t have some sense of longing to make the past right. I honestly don’t believe he has the capacity to do any kind of atonement for things he did. Happily, I don’t need him to. I’ve made my peace that he is who he is and I’ve made a better life without him.

I don’t have anger. I did once. But, I learned to let that go. I came to terms with the fact that he was probably doing as best he knew how given his own mental health and what had been modeled for him. That isn’t to excuse him. But, it’s a way to move on without wanting to throttle him.

I don’t have any words I need to hear him say. I don’t need an apology, or some admission of wrong doing. I’ve healed without that. Enough time has elapsed that it wouldn’t mean much anyway.

But there’s this thing that keeps sticking in my head. Reconnect.

I saw a few signs in stores recently that mentioned Father’s Day. That hasn’t really meant much to me in 15 years, so I had to google what day that was. Turns out, it’s coming up. I honestly thought it’d already happened.

And no, I don’t plan on trying to have some Father’s Day reconnection. Honestly, when my mom and sister have tried to reconnect with him, it didn’t go well and they’ve shut him out again. I don’t have any delusion that it would go any differently for me.

Also, my life has enough general chaos in it without inviting in some other brand of crazy. To paraphrase Jack Nicholson in that movie, I’m all stocked up in that sense.

But yeah, there’s no pretty ending to this little diatribe. It’s mainly an effort to remove a thing that’s been bouncing around my head. Maybe I’m hoping it’ll finally put this particular train of thought to rest and I can go back to Kesha and obessing about how this tucked in shirt makes me look fatter than I am.

For now, I’m gonna listen to Rufus sing “Dinner at 8,” then pack up my stuff and move on to my next appointment.

Open Letter to Mayor Gray

Dear Mayor Gray,

Hi. You don’t know me. I get that. I actually live just a few blocks over from you, though. Sorry if it’s creepy that I know that. I was out for a walk once and someone just pointed over and said, “Jimmy lives there”. So, there you are.

We did meet once. There’s no reason you’d remember that. It was at a Christmas party and someone introduced us. We said a quick “Hi” and I scooted on out so it didn’t get awkward.

Nevertheless, I’m writing something you’ll likely never see because the word is that you’re considering running for Senate.

Please. Run.

There’s the obvious issue at hand: Rand Paul is pretty much awful. He’s spent his time in the Senate laying the groundwork to run for President. He’s only bothered to pop by his alleged home state when he’s had to make an appearance to get the election laws changed so he can run for two offices at the same time. He might have raised some cash while he happened to be in town. Other than that, I can’t think of much ol’ Rand has gotten accomplished. I know some thought he was the Next Big Thing, but he’s turned out a bit more like new Coke. Folks in Iowa sure have seen a lot of him, though.

None of this is news to you, I’m sure. So, I digress.

Back to you running for Senate. That’s a thing you should do. And here’s some good news: you kinda already know the other side’s playbook. We’ve all seen a few recent candidates, despite being qualified and well funded that have fizzled. You gotta do this differently.

If nothing else, this is the year for loud, brash, envelope pushing politics. From Bernie to Trump, those are the kinds of candidates who are getting attention and leading polls. These milquetoast candidates who always seem a little too prepared, too guarded, and too calculated don’t play well with voters. See Conway’s various runs for evidence.

So instead, maybe you could run a different kind of campaign. The kind of campaign where you come out swinging.

Coal? Yep, it’s a dying industry that’s brought an economy of boom and bust to Kentucky. And lately, it’s been more bust. It’s time to move on. In their hearts, Kentuckians in Coal Country know this. (I’m from Harlan County, so I can bear witness). They know how messed up it is that people get jealous when someone gets Black Lung benefits because it gets them out of the mines, and provides a steady income. Tell them you want better than that for Kentucky. Because, honestly Kentuckians DO want better than that. They’ve just never had anyone tell them that in those terms. Politicians are always bowing to coal, not challenging it. I promise. This could be big for you.

They’re also gonna tie to you Obama. As you know, Fox News has scared the crap out of some ill informed people who think Obama is some socialist, gun stealing, America hating monster. But rather than run from Obama, I say throw caution to the wind and embrace him. Imagine when the news has to report that you said “Was it the job creation, the healthcare, or the economic prosperity you had a problem with?” Rather than cower to the attack, give it right back to them. And not in some polished way. But in a visceral gut punch that will make people stand up and take notice.

I could go on, but I’ll spare you.

My larger point is this: Run. But, run differently. This same old, same old approach clearly doesn’t work. You can do this. You know the Republican game plan. Don’t fall for it. Be creative. Be spontaneous, even. Embrace what you know to be true and speak your mind. It’s going to take something like that to break through the misinformation and finally give us a Senator we deserve.

Now, go get your name on the ballot and give ‘em hell.