Tonight's Poem

I started several little intros to this and eventually decided to scrap them all. So without further introduction, here's a poem I wrote tonight. I don't have a title yet.

sometimes, I hear the

church chimes ring

11 minutes slow

as a kid, I waited for

the 12 o'clock whistle

to echo off an Appalachian.

everything's always been

clockwise and spinning

you spring forward

you fall back

every a.m. is a pulsing beep

and I don't wear a watch

but my phone's always on

seconds click quietly

and then it's June 9, 2010

in the year of our Lord

when it's summer

but I'm still

feeling deciduous

while all those beeps

chimes and whistles

are silent.

and I realize that

I don't know the name

on my own business card

there's always been a

game of freeze tag

a tv game show

a class

a job

to get to

and even with only

memories of reminders

I fold the laundry

and talk about dinner

but sometimes, I hear the

church chimes ring

11 minutes slow

A Case of the Mondays

Typically, my favorite day of the week is Monday. I recognize that may seem like a foreign concept to most people. I work Tuesday through Saturday, so Monday has became my day of rest. It often feels like I have a little bonus day. When everyone else is getting up and starting their work week, I'm getting up in time to make coffee and re-snuggle up on the sofa to catch The Price is Right. It's just every so often that I feel like I'm missing something.

I was supposed to do several things today. Get up at 5am and go volunteer for WUKY's pledge drive, get back home about 10:30 and maybe grab a quick nap, lunch at noon, meet a friend to catch up (and learn that he is moving away) at 2 and then get back home in time to do dinner with the boyfriend. Also, I need to pay bills, do laundry, ideally clean a little and if I was good, run by the car dealer and try to get them to reattach the shield I broke on my most recent trip to Harlan. Those are just the things that require my immediate attention.

In a perfect world, I'd also like to work out some, spend some time with the boyfriend (that isn't diverted by eating and staring at TV), read the Book Club book for Wednesday, talk to my Mom for a few minutes to let her know I still love her, try to repair an obliterated friendship, and maybe, just MAYBE spend some time working on this "what I want to do" question.

I don't suppose that it's any revelation that people get too caught up in the "have to-s" on any given day. I just don't know how to find the balance. I also know that I'm already physically and mentally exhausted and I still have a few things on the "have to" list. I don't have a clue how to work in the second list where I not only make time for myself, but time for the people that I love. However, one of the things that I took away from the conversation with the friend earlier today is that this stagnation has gone on far too long. I just seriously don't know how to stop it.

"O let not Time deceive you,

You cannot conquer Time.

In the burrows of the Nightmare

where Justice naked is,

Time watches from the shadow

and coughs when you would kiss.

In headaches and in worry

Vaguely life leaks away,

And Time will have his fancy

To-morrow or to-day".

excerpt from "As I Walked Out One Evening" W.H. Auden