There’s a certain something to ugly crying in a therapist’s office that is both disorienting and relieving. Something feels so great about letting whatever it is that seems to be the matter out, and at the same time incredibly awkward for doing this in front of a perfect stranger. Nevermind that it’s a stranger you happen to be paying, which really ups the creepy ante when you consider it.
However, when doing so, I’ve found the appropriate response is to first locate the tissues. They will exist and they will be placed in such a way that they should be in clear view to someone who has just entered the room or who isn’t trying to prevent snot from hitting their dry clean only pants. Trust that you will eventually locate the tissues, but the snot will also locate your pants. That’ll be $10 for the copay and $3.50 for the cleaners. It’s really not such a bad deal all told.
I’m likely getting ahead of myself, though. I’ve been awfully remiss about posting anything here lately. It’s just that every time I sat down to write something, it turned awfully morose, awfully fast. A post called “I’m a Cutter” isn’t necessarily the best read. And while I’m never one to care much about sharing personal information, I also don’t want to be another sympathy suck on the interwebs. Thankfully, I’m a good bit past the yuckiest of the yuck, so I think I’m more apt to move on with my usual healthy (or unhealthy dose, we haven’t gotten to that yet) sense of humor.
I can say that the whole sling snot onto my pants moment was a bit of a bucket list item for me. What actually ran through my head somewhere between the Beggin’ Strips dog moment of “Kleenex. Gotta find a Kleenex” and “Fuck. Really? These are dry clean only” was “Ugly cry in the therapist’s office. Check”.
That moment wasn’t really that far into my experience in “therapy”. (By the way, we have to come up with a better name for it. I’m up for suggestions. So far, I refer to is as a visit to my “Crazy Coach”). And I’m sure that it might disappoint the Crazy Coach to know that this little moment is a highlight of our time together, but it was this moment that I realized that I actually don’t have a written down “Bucket List”. (Bear with me).
Sure, I have ideas of things that I’d like to do. I’d always said I wanted to see Bjork in concert and I did that earlier this year. I’d quickly tell you I’d checked that item off this proverbial bucket list and that it was a big deal for me to do it. However, I’ve never taken the time to actually sit down and write out my list of other things I’d like to do.
In an extrapolation of that, I’ve realized that I’ve never really set and achieved a goal. I mean sure, I wanted to finish high school and college, but not because it was a “goal”. It just felt like “the next step”. Life has just sort of happened to me and I’ve gone with the flow. However, not once have I ever sat down and said, “I want to achieve this and here’s how I’m going to do it”. Damned near 32 years, folks and not once. Ever.
So, now that I’ve crossed off Bjork as well as slinging snot with the Crazy Coach, it’s probably time that I sit down and do that, isn’t it? I may even post some of the Bucket List items here as I come up with them. The bigger picture goals like “lose enough weight such that my button-up shirts don’t pull around my gut” and “pay off the car faster” are probably not things that are all that entertaining to read about. But, things that I do plan to establish a plan for and then figure out.
As obvious and easy as it probably is to most of you, these are totally uncharted waters for me. It seems like such WORK. But, I’m sure something that’s overall very much for the best, just like the visits to the Crazy Coach. (And y’all, I have to brave the Double Diamond of Death now that she’s moved offices). And yeah, now that this little post is out of the way, I’m hoping I’ll be back here a little more frequently, too. Also, since the Crazy Coach doesn’t budge on her pricing, let me know if y’all get any coupons for dry cleaning.
